40 Weeks to Forever

Attachment- Bond, Boundaries, & Bringing Up Baby

Episode Summary

How is it that we have the ability to love someone so fiercely that we’ve never even met? Once a child comes into your life; they have a way of stealing your heart. In this episode 40 Weeks to Forever podcast, Dr. Tanya Cotler walks us through the importance of rupture and repair, trusting your intuition, and how to create a warm, loving, and healthy bond with your babe.

Episode Notes

• 0:48-Mom Montage | reflections on meeting baby for the first time
• 2:44- The reality around meeting baby and bonding with them for the first time 
  -expectations vs. reality 
  -1/3 of birthing parents deal with birth trauma 
  - the parent-child attachment bond is critical for social, emotional, and cognitive development
  -does not rest on any specific moment in time or one singular experience [including the birthing moment]
• 6:46 – We create and cultivate secure attachment beyond that first meeting moment by using the 3 R’s
  1. Reflection- using narration
  2. Responding [sensitively]
  3. Rupture & Repair
• 11:35- Why we should strive to embrace the messy and to be okay with a relationship rupture
  -children learn to trust through rupture and repair
  -we are teaching them to learn that we can move from a negative to a positive
  -we are teaching them emotion regulation 
  -they are learning about resilience because they didn’t feel alone as you helped them through these emotions
• 15:47- Our children are hardwired from birth to seek the responses they need 
  -the child plays a role in the relationship
  -it takes 2 to tango
• 19:09 – Daycare separation and the want and desire to be with your child for every “first” moment
  -the key to a secure attachment is proximity in order to explore
• 22:35- Does perfect parenting actually exist?
  -The notions of “reparenting” and becoming conscious of how you were raised 
  -Ask yourself, what did I need growing up that I did not receive?
• 25:21 – Self-Compassion 101
  -use your inner voice to encourage and lift yourself up not to be a critic 
  -speak to yourself the way you speak to your children
• 29:58– The importance of boundaries and limit setting with our children
• 32:20 – Why we should stop striving for perfection
  -It’s okay to step on toes as you navigate parenthood
  -Advocate for yourself as a parent 
  -The hardest part of the identity shake-up of Motherhood is learning to find your voice
• 34:55- Confidence Corner 
  Product 1: ERGObaby Embrace Carrier 
  Product 2: Stokke Tripp Trapp Complete +  Newborn Set 
  Haleigh’s Baby Registry Product Picks 
  Top Carriers of 2021
  StokkeTripp Trapp Product Review
   

About our Guest 
Dr. Tanya Cotler is a Clinical Psychologist, author, and speaker who specializes in reproductive mental health, infant mental health, and parent-child attachment. 
Through nearly 20 years of clinical and research experience, Dr. Cotler has honed her particular interest in the emotional bond between parent and child – including how it is formed and the role it plays in lifelong capacities for emotion regulation, empathy, and social-emotional development.

Connect 
@drcotler 
tanyacotlerphd.com 

Learn More 
@snugglebugzbaby
snugglebugz.ca